Behind those killer smile…

Summer n nman.. Beaches.. Pools.. Were on r way…

With my PG Famly.. We spent our yearly summer get-together outing @ Sabangan Resort, San Juan Batangas.. This place is great.. this time mas madami kme compare last year swak kc ung napili nilng date plus overnight n xa now.. Hindi din nagpahuli ang mga Facilitators nmin.. Mga WAIS.. They devide us into 4-groups for our group tasks..like Cooking,Preparation,Cleaning Tables,Washing Dishes Bsta incharge of everything…

We leave SanJuan City @8am and we arrive @ SanJuan Batangas at exactly 12nn.. Smooth lng byahe.. As usual magkakatabi sa bus ang makakakilala (haha as if d kilala ung iba eh..) dme nakatulog kc si Sister dami ask sakin eh tsaka lakas mag-hilik katabi ko (hehe..).. plus excited kc me kya d makatulog..haha

Right after ng Lunch nmin… naglaro agad ang mga Guys ng Volleyball… watcher lng ako kc dko kaya ang init ng araw.. after ng laro eat ulet.. tapos gnawa ko n ang pinakafav kong gawin.. MATULOG.. oh dba dumayo p ng batangas para lng matulog.. Di nman kc ako umiinom eh..(good gurl kuno..) Nagicng ako ng dinner time.. xempwe kain n nman.. after nun ni-set up n nmin ang baon ni fads n Videoke.. Pabor n nman sakin.. Xempwe hindi nman halatang mahilig kme lhat kumanta (choir nga eh) kaya nman ang haba ng pila bago ka ulet makakanta.. Nagstay kme til 1am.. Sayawan blues.. Kantahan blues.. Asaran blues.. Pikunan Blues..(ooops cno un napikon…?!?) good thing i know hw to ride in a joke even if it comes from a non-so-close pipol… wag lng below-the-belt… 
Sobrang enjoy ng night na’to.. laugh all you can.. Special Thanks to Kuya Ron (ang kulet mo sobra) - RicRic (ang saya mo kasama.. sobrang kulet) - Art - Jose & Paw… Cla ang mga kasama kong mga baliw n walang sawa sa kakatawa.. haaaay ang sarap tumawa…

Kinabukasan, Fortunately or unfortunately we are assigned to prepare breakfast.. Yikes asa pa cla sa group ko.. kamusta naman si Paw at Jose.. Kay Michelle pede pa dami alam non plus Ate Sally and Ate Jane.. Ako last na gumising sa group nmin kc sa paghuhugas lng nman nila me maaasahan.. (sad to say..) well.. after magsikain.. Thanks to Sister Pelomena kc she help us out.. xa nagsasabon, ako nagbabanlaw, si paw nagpupunas.. kamusta nman ang hugasan nmin.. i can’t imagine n sobrang dmi ng hugasan.. almost 1-hour kmi don ah in fairness… kc nman si Sister kwela din pala khit malinis sinasabon pa ako nman si banlaw..napagkamalan pang Soap Powder ang Flour..hahaha enjoy ka sister! saka lng nmin nanoticed n matagal n kme bcoz napancin n nmin n nauubos ang laman ng lagayan ng malilinis plates (dko lam tawag don)..
Badtrip din (sorry… ) na on-the-spot p kming maglinis ng fresh fish.. grrrrr.. niweiz ang galing ko nagawa ko un… aun kapagod.. kaya nman after non punta agad me sa dalampasigan.. Naglaro.. Nakinig sa Masagge Lesson ni paw samin… Lucky JayJay-Art-Kuya Ron-Jeff ah.. nautakan nyo c Michelle and Paw don..haha
aun.. naicipan ko lng maglunoy sa dagat nung malapit n kme umalis.. takot ako mangitim machado eh negra n kc me…
After lunch.. Father June gather us all for a MASS.. and then we leave the resort na.. Sarap matulog sa byahe xempwe mga pagod kaya galit-galit n sa bus.. walang usap-usap.. kya nman d nmin nanotices n naligaw pala kmi.. ang tgal ng byahe nmen paikot-ikot sa Batangas… kamusta nman un..hehe
To Conclusion.. Nadagdagan ang fwends ko bcoz of this outing.. ung dating nasasalubong ko lng ngyn pede ko ng kausapin at makakwentuhan..haha
Para sa mga nakasama ko sa outing na ito.. Thanks po sa inyong lahat… Sna magtagal p po taung lhat sa service.. Next Year ulet!
God Bless us ALL!

My First Visita Iglesia…

YES! Atlast nakasama din ako sa activity na ito.. Sobrang laki ng regret ko kc di me nakasama sa Chapmates ko last year..pro ok lng kc mas okie dw ung ngyn plus my service din ako last year sa church nmin non kya d me nakasama.. Niweiz.. My idea on our Visita Iglesia is magpupunta lng kmi sa mga church along Rizal.. i never thought n dadayo p kmi sa malayong lugar.. (or d lng ako nakikinig nung inanounce xa..hehe)! Well aun nga nagpunta kme sa laguna.. Sobrang kakaiba ang Activity na ito.. hindi masyadong nagbigay ng effort ang mga WISDOM nmin in fairness.. hehe

They devide us into 5groups… tama ba?!? para maiba nman dw pinagsama-sama sa group ang hindi machadong close sa Chapter.. Sakin ayosh lng kc feeling ko close ko n nman clang lhat.. Aun so napunta me kay Faci Yogi w/ my team8s Wilson,Johanna,B-Loi and Jane.. Starter Bonding nmin is to discuss bout our bitbit na "Thing w/c best discribe us"..  I brought a "WIND CHIME" y? hehe ask my team..

Here are the Churches we visit…

Station 1 & 2 (TA’s Team)
                    St. James the Apostle Parish Church
Station 3 & 4 (Kuya Nat’s Team)
                   Parokya ng San Pedro de Alcantara
Station 5 & 6 (’s team)
                    St. Mark the Evangelist Parish Church
Station 7 & 8 (Chin’s Team)
                    St. James the Apostles Church
Station 9 & 10 (Ayan’s Team - i belong)
                    St. Magdalene’s Parich Church
Station 11 & 12 (Tito Andy’s Team)
                    Parokya de San Jose Parich Church
Station 13 (Klea’s Team)
                    Holy Trinity Parish, Cainta

Sayang alang pix.. pro oks lng.
Aun.. Sobrang ASTIG ng activity nato.. We get to be more closer to HIM and every1 in each group through sharings.. I hv LOTS of Reality & Lessons in life n nkuha at napulot from my Team.. Sobrang late lague ang team ni Yogi.. late lagi natatapos sa Sharing, tipong kmi nlng ang inaantay ng sasakyan for our next Church.. Never kming naunang natapos AS IN.. kc ang daming Punch Lines ng Sharer (isa n ko don…) Plus samin n yata npunta ang pinaka-makuCOOLet n tao.. sama na ang faci nmin..Haaaay.. Pro ang galing tlga.. Fulfilling and Meaningful ng Visita na ito..

Thanx so much to my Chapmates.. Speciali sa mga nagprepare ng Activity.. So glad nakasama ako d2.. Kasama kayo… naging Meaningful ang Holy Week ko.. Next Year ulet… GodBless us all!

I admire SUM1 pro I hate dis feeling.. basta.. (huhuhu..hirap nman n2…)

Idadaan q nlng sa Lyrics…

… If i could say the things i feel, it wouldnt be the same..Some things are not spoken of, some things have no name.. And  though the words come hard to me, I’ll say them just for you..For this is somthing rare for me this feeling is so new….

…If its just infatuation then why is my heart achin’ to hold you forever..give a part of me i’d thought i’d never give again to someone i could lose…

…What is this im feeling i just can’y explain..when you’re near i’m not the same..

….When i see you smile I can face the world…

…You are the one that makes me happy when everything turns to grey..

…I’ll rather had bad times w/you than good times w/ sum1 else…

…After all the caring and the laughter..NO ONE is like you..

…Can’t forget the picture of your smile..coz everytime I close my eyes..you came alive..

…I forgot how we ever came this far I believe we had reasons but I don’t know where they are…

…I’ve been alone with you inside my mind…

…You son’t know how much you mean to me. whenever you down you know that you can lean on me..

…Could I lie to you..Im just too weak to face the truth..now I know I should make a move…

…Look beyond your world..try and find a place for me….

…Now i’m almost over you..I’ve almost shook these blues..

…Though the binding;s cracked and the pages start to yellow.. i’ll be inlove with you..

…I fall all over again…

P.S. Anonymous:

For being thoughtless..indifferent..unresponsive..insensitive.. In a way, Thanks for making me feel this way..for inspiring me.. (khit na ur not aware of it… hehe labo!)

At first i was kinda bad trip kc pag-check ko p lng sa calendar, shocks my pasok un! Pano ako makakapagenjoy n2.. I have so many plans pa nman for dat day.. well call of duty.. i go 2 d office.. do my work with full effort, xempwe i wont let any1 to spoil my day noh..aun

I remember last year 23 p lng i spent it w/ my "choir frenz" but now since busy n lhat ng tao..(bitter daw ba? joke lng yan) i still celebrate it on d 23th ulet w/ Bhezzy, Queenie, Tita & Paw.. so glad i was with you.

I woke up w/ tears in my eyes.. y? i don’t know..:-( 2nd year im celebratng it, away from my father.. dats y khit anong positive things ang isipin ko mejo empty pa rin.. niweiz..

To those pipol hu never forgets..

To my FAMILY..

My SFC Family (Bhezzy, Dimple, Rix, Tay, Dad, Line, Haze, Ms. Head..)

My SGC Family (Sir Ron, Sir Ram, Ms. Normz, Dude, Jun, Annie..)

My RC Family (Kuya, te Mariz, Gang, Jenzky..)

My HHC Family (Paw, Vam, Jose, Via..)

My Cardinal Family (Fr. June, Te Buyi, Te Karen, Te Jovi, Jeff, Thez..)

My Friends (Queenie, Maricel, Romuel, Marc..) and sa mga wala d2 sa entry ko..

For the greetings, nice & inspring quotes, calls, texts, pm, testimonials, songs, gifts, letters, prayers, wishes, most especially for the THOUGHTS.. Million thanks to all of you.. You make my day sufficiently interesting, exciting & worth remembering.. May God Bless us all!

Thank you LordGod for another year.. A Blessed Happy Birthday to me..

Can’t help it… Wala lng  tlga akong magawa at dko mapigilang magbilang..hehe This is my way to comfort myself in all ‘d puzzle im in ryt now..

Ano bang bago ngyn.. Busy Busyhan kunwari sa life..hehe Nagtatago lalo na sa mga taong ayakong makita… Ung tipong maninira lng ng araw.. kamustahin mo nga eh babalewalain ka pa.. or kakatakot-takot na miscol gawin mo still manhid pa rin at hindi man lng magpaparamdam… Ouch un ah.. Aun Atleast now i know wer i stand sa mga life nila..hehe Ang drama eh noh…

Well.. 3days to go.. Malapit ng isilang ang "bagong Raziel"… hehe

Much as i’m willing to celebrate it w/ all my fwends out der kaya lng bad trip my pasok.. nakaka-inggit nman ung mga saturdays & sundays na nagbbday.. D kc pede umabsent eh.. And i have a plan n tlga.. Alam n nya kng cno xa..hehe oiii.. :">

So much for this.. Joke lng yan.. As in wla lng tlga akong magawa.. hehe

Eeeeeeeeeeeeew.. !st day of my week.. I’m so excited.. yepeee.. Im not expecting gifts  from anyone..hehe Niweiz all i want on that day.. Masettle n ung mga problems ko.. specialy w/ my closest frends outder..:-D Kung pede lng katulad nung last year.. I’m w/ my " Choir Famly".. that i know imposibleng mangyari kc wala ung isa.. busy n rin ung isa.. tatlo nlng kme.. dpa magkakasundo.. haaay. I wish maging ok na..

I have hir my wishes list: corny ko tlga..yucks!

Long Life / Good Health / Stable Job / Happy & Complete Famly / More Frends / my somebody / Remain to be good servant of God…

Song for Chill…A Happy  Birthday Song… hehehe

It’s that day that comes just once a year
We are happy that you are still here
If you think you’re getting old
Well, honey, let the truth be told
You only have eternity to go

You made it one more time around the sun
Now’s the time you have to have more fun
Kick up your heels, enjoy the ride
And let your God above just drive
Now’s the time when we all have to say

Have a happy birthday
Celebrate and dance with all your might
Have a happy birthday
Laugh and sing Celebrate your life

[Shel,] You are full of love and grace
It pleases us to see your smiling face
To see you rise and be a star
We know that you’ll go really far
This life is short and you have just begun

So have a happy birthday
Celebrate and a dance with all your might
Have a happy birthday
Laugh and sing and celebrate
Laugh and sing and celebrate
Laugh and sing Celebrate your life…

May God grant all my hearts wishes..Amen!

It wasn’t easy for me to say whats all in my heart & mind ryt now.. But im really tired of thinking over & over.. Finding ways to face it.. to accept it or escape from it..I refused to understand why it has to be like this & like that.. Hindering me from being happy.. My other side complaints and worries. I was disappointed & frustrated..

Its not easy to see things the way they really are.. They say there are lots of things/persons we have to consider.. w/c I understand.. But im not sure if my emotions could easily follow my decisions.. Maybe i was focused on my own desires and beliefs.. anxious & troubled bout my life.. (routines!) There has always been that deep longing in my heart that I myself failed to know.. I just cling on what my true friends saying "life is so short and I should make the most of it"..

I learned to let go and accept the fact of whatever his plans for me.. God has a reason for allowing these things to happen… He knows what is best for me…. Gotta have Faith!

Napansin ko naiisipan ko lng mag-post kapag depress ako.. hindi kc ako mahilig magsabi sa ibang tao ng nararamdaman ko lalo n kung hindi maganda.. madalas sinasarili ko nalang w/c is okay lang nman palagay ko.. buti nlng my blog. Napakaiyakin ko kc eh.. khit saang bagay basta feeling pinaguusapan.. Sobrang sensitiv ko and dko alam kung bakit.. Ako ung taong pagsabihan mo n ng masakit na salita la lang hindi ko masyadong mararamdaman ung hurt, wag lng ung xempre sobrang below ‘d belt.. kesa ung mga pasaring or paramdam.. feeling ko mas malakas ako bumasa ng ganon eh.. Dami nagsasabi sobrang taray ko daw & snob & mahirap intindihin.  Ouch un..pro i understand kc nga hindi nman nila tlga ako kilala.. Ayoko ng taong maingay, naririndi ako. Kapag galit ako ayoko ng kinakausap ako. Snasabihan nila akong "Ms. Walk-out" daw ako.. pro kc un ang way ko pra maiwasan ang diskusyon eh. Ayoko kc ng madaming usapan lalo n kung walang patutunguhan.. ayoko ng debate.. (ayoko kc ng ingay..kulit).. basta tatahimik nlng ako.. Mahilig ako magobserv ng kilos ng tao, pinag-aaralan ko kng accepted b ako or nakikipagplastikan lng saken.. lalo na pag mga new-faces.

Greatest fear ko rejection, frustation and discouragement.. hate ko ung nagsisisihan.. never akong nanisi pagmy nagkakamali..minsan nga ako pa umaako ng fault ng iba eh ayokong may napapahiya sa karap ko or napapagalitan.. kaya everytime n nakakrevic ako ng "paninisi" sobrang hindi ko alam kng ano gagawin ko.. parang feeling ko gumuho n ung mundo ko.. parang wala n akong maharap n mukha sa mga tao.. Kc never akong nagpabaya sa gawain ko.. khit ano.. paghindi ko kaya cnasabi ko agad na hindi ko kaya..hindi ko pagpipilitan ung sarili sa sarili ko sa bagay n hindi ko nman tlga alam gawin or anupaman.. Pressure saken yan sobra pag my sisihan n nangyayari..w/c is naeexperience ko ngyn.. buong week.. haay..

Sna mabago ko na ung "ako".. Sna hindi nlng ako yan..cguro masaya pa ako.. kung pede lng magtransform sa kng saan mo gusto everytym n my problem.. gusto ko maging….

Pahabol": meron isang tao na sobrang hate ko.. wala akong magawa kc almost evryday ko nakikita.. haay ayoko makakita ng txt galing sa kanya lalong ayoko marinig ang boses nya.. actuali xa lng ang cause ng pinagkakaganto ko.. hindi nman ako ganto eh.. maaliwalas lng isip ko pagma22log na.. kaya favorite kong gawin "matulog".. Sna maayos ko na to..

I guez way ni God pra i-test ako..kagagaling ko lng retreat.. sobrang sarap ng feeling, ang gaan ng pkiramdam para akong bagong silang.. tpos e2 agad.. Oh hindi lng tlga ako marunong at magaling maghandle.. haaay

I missed so many things now.. Specially my friends..

My entry now is all bout this guy… He’s 1 of my “special” frend.. Grabe halos maghapon kme magkasama kahapon I guez until 2am.. For so many yrs weve known each other.. Kahapon lng yata nangyari ung ganong klaseng pag-uusap.. Nagi-guilty ako sobra.. And dame kng cnabe n hindi nya iniexpect.. Ang bad ko… Ang hilig ko kc mag-categorize ng mga frends.. w/c is wrong daw.. Cguro hindi lng nman ako ang ganto.. My bestfrend ako.. My Special Frend.. My Ordinary Frend.. meron wala lng… hehehe

Niweiz… ang dame plng bagay na hindi ko nakikita.. And sad kc kaya nyang sabihin n kilala nya na ako.. tpos ako hindi ganon sa kanya.. cguro

mali

lng ako ng mga “term” n ginamit..

For You:

Cguro sa situation ngyn.. we hv common frend n nawawala sa sirkulasyon.. tpos meron png isang pansamantalang mawawala.. I like 2 take this opportunity

sana

na bumawi sau.. kng ano man ung pagkukulang ko.. “Just give me a chance and I’l prove it to you..”… Ang dami kng na22nan sau. Thank so much for being there… Ashte Happy*A*

*Ang tunay na friendship daw ay parang tsinelas.. Kahit gaano kadami ang sapatos mo, pag-uwi mo TSINELAS pa rin hahanapin mo.. * J

Haaaaaaay! Naramdaman nyo n b to?

I dunno kung ano n nangyayari saken.. honestly ilang beses ko n rin tinanong sarili ko.. bket kelangan kong maramdaman toh? I’ve been trying to ask for an advice sa mga close frendz..new frendz.. even dko pa frendz..(hehe) pro hindi ko p rin makuha ung sagot n gusto ko.. Or napaparanoid lng ako.. (waaaah..hindi ako ganon!).. i think almost 2-weeks nakong ganto… Nagkasakit nko last Friday / Saturday dahil cguro sa feeling nato..

What makes me feel like this ba?… or stress lang toh.. lague kc kulang sa tulog.. Kung ano man un

sana

ma-Overcome kna xa.. Plus dame pa bumabagabag sa isip ko now.. khit na anong klaseng Aliw gawin ko sa sarili ko.. khit anong pagpapaka-busy gawin ko.. still dko p rin xa mapagtakpan… Cguro dapat kong gawin.. magpahinga tlga.. magtago.. maging invisible.. (hehe) kc maybe isa sa mga reason ng pinagkakaganto ko eh ung mga taong nakakasama ko or ung mga bagay n madalas ko gawin..

I Hope and I wish maayos kna toh.. sna after lent OK nako.. makaharap ko ung mga frendz ko na nka-smile sa knila w/ dimples..hehe Sna bumalik n ung dating ako na Masiyahin.. Pala-ngiti and parang easy-easy lng… Missed kna un..